By: Marlaina Capetillo
You ever have those eye-opening moments where you couldn’t see the elephant in the room and then BAM, it comes out of nowhere? I had that moment in 2015 when I realized I’ve always had a boyfriend or an emotional attachment to a boy since I was 10 years old. Yes, you read correctly, since I was 10!
At first the relationships were innocent enough. But, then physical boundaries began to be pushed, and I realized I was temporarily filling the emptiness in my heart with guys and sex. At first it felt good, but then my soul would begin seeking the “next”, even while in an existing relationship. Let’s just say I gained a few too many soul ties during my high school years.
After graduation I was introduced to yet another guy, and this relationship landed me with an engagement ring on my finger! (Anyone else singing Beyonce right now?) Sex was normal to me in relationships, but not to him. I was his first, and we quickly got pregnant. Life was great! We were young, happy, pregnant, and engaged! But, our relationship took a turn for the worst when outside influences began to negatively impact us. He began to stay out late, smoking weed and drinking, altering his “good guy” personality to absent and angry. I wanted OUT! I was good at running from relationships and this one needed to end, quick. This time it wasn’t as easy to get out because I had a baby inside of me.
I wrestled with every option I knew of at 19 and decided my best alternative was to have an abortion. I made one phone call and within the week I was at the abortion clinic. I still remember the layout of the waiting room, the smell of the office, and the 14-year-old girl next to me begging her mom not to make her abort her baby. I was in and out. Once home, I called my fiancé to come over. He sat by my bed crying as I told him that I had a miscarriage and wanted out of our relationship. He begged me to stay and was heartbroken by the nuclear bomb I dropped on him. My heart was cold. I turned him away and never looked back.
Within weeks I was in another relationship that lasted three years. This guy was good for me because it was a healthy relationship, at least as healthy as I’d ever known before. But, my soul kept crying out for more. I broke it off in July, and by October of that year, began dating my now husband Jacob. Jacob and I started hot and HEAVY! He was a hot “drug dealer” by society’s standards. In my head he wasn’t a dealer. He grew his own weed and sold to a small elite group of guys, so he didn’t fall into the “drug dealer” category to me. He always had a gun on him and a fat wad of cash. Dating him was new and FUN!!!! Within six months of dating we were pregnant. But, considering a future with him made me realize he was not the man I wanted to have a child with. Behind all of Jacob’s cash and flashy lifestyle was a broken man. Like me, he did not know how to have a healthy relationship. I called my sister to vent about Jacob. I told her I was going to abort this baby because I needed OUT! I already knew how to fix this problem! My baby sister was the angel that I needed. She had value for my unborn child in a way that I didn’t. She talked me off the ledge and changed my heart. I decided not to have an abortion.
I’m sure you’re thinking “Come on Marlaina, where in the world does Jesus enter the mix?!?!”. I know, it took me a while! We had Madelyn and decided after six years together to get married. As new parents, we thought the right thing to do was to go to church. So, we attended a church, but it was just a building we went to each Sunday. Nothing came home with us or entered our souls. Our second year of marriage we changed churches. It was here that I encountered the reality of God's love through his Holy Spirit for the first time, and I was shook! Romans 6:11 says “consider yourselves to be dead to the power of sin and alive to God through Christ Jesus”. That’s exactly what I felt….alive, and a strong desire to kill off all sinful ways. For the first time in my LIFE I felt the power of love in a way I’ve never experienced.
From here on out, Holy Spirit continued to work on me and uproot deep seeds of sin I had planted in my soul. I attended a week long fast, and one night the pastor asked us to look deep in our soul for any hidden sin or unforgiveness. I thought I was good and I had nothing hidden in my heart, and then BAM, a train hit me. I forgot I had an abortion. Did you hear me? I FORGOT I KILLED A BABY IN MY WOMB! I moved on so quickly from the day I aborted the baby that I forgot that day ever happened! Once I was reminded, I repented. I repented HARD! For the first time, I mourned the loss of my baby, leaving everything I had at the cross. For the first time my thought process changed from “a baby” to “my baby”. I realized my baby would have been 10. My heart was softened, and I felt the power of forgiveness for the sin I committed when I was 19. I was so thankful for God’s promise in 1 John 1:19, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." Not only was I forgiven, I was purified from my old sins!
From the day I gave my life to Jesus I’ve been on a non-stop journey to freedom, healing, and redemption. Twenty-seven years of no Jesus allowed lots of sin to enter my temple. Part of my healing journey involved sessions of inner healing which allowed Holy Spirit to gift me with peace and freedom from my abortion and all past sin. I didn’t realize I was missing peace until I experienced it! I was freed from shame, lies, grief, hurt, and removed all soul ties from my past. I encountered the mighty power of Holy Spirit in a way that lit a BLAZE in my soul that is still blazing to this day!
Jesus was the one true love my soul longed for from the age of 10, and I found it! I found my prince charming that has never let me down, and continues to chase after me when I want to run. I am humbled and thankful for the power of the cross. Jesus has been so good to me and my marriage. He has redeemed all those lost years for both me and Jacob. Today we are influential in our environments and have the opportunity to share God's love and our testimony with others!
The relational female inside of me wants to stand on the hilltop inviting all my hurting sisters over to my house so we can drink coffee and have a raw conversation on these areas, but unfortunately that's not realistic. But the reality is you too have access to the same freedom that I do. There is hope. There is redemption to your past (or present!). Jesus has the power to heal and mend the broken areas of your soul. You are His Beloved and He desires to restore you, all of you!
About the Author// Marlaina Capetillo lives in Euless, TX along with her husband Jacob, and their two girls, Nevaeh & Madelyn. She is a member of New Life Family Church where she is part of Beloved's Dream Team. She and her husband are part of North Texas Tres Dias ministry where they serve twice a year. Part of her freedom journey is her workday ministry where she meets a girlfriend for lunch once a week building relationships sharing her redemption story. She holds a degree in Interior Design but has spent the past 10 years in healthcare. Her hobbies consist of hosting parties at her house, helping others design their homes, getting creative with Young Living Essential Oils, Bible journaling and watching MMA fights.