By Brittney Mortensen
I have it, you might have it, and most women at some point have struggled with it. Insecurity. There’s nothing pretty about it. As women we want to be strong and always have our game faces on for the people that depend on us in our lives. Sometimes our insecurities can become an internal prison cell we have created on our own. We constantly compare our reality with everyone else’s posed snapshot online. If we are honest to ourselves, we know they didn’t wake up like this even if their hashtag says so.
Insecurity is defined as "subject to fears, doubts, etc.; not self-confident or assured." At first the word can make you cringe and feel taboo. But we have to get past that if we don’t want it to control our lives. In my own experience with insecurity, here are some things that helped me overcome it.
Everyone has faced it. Whatever you are insecure about, you need to know you are not alone. Eve walked side by side talking with God, butt naked, and still fell for the lie that she was lacking. She was actually perfect! If we are born into sin and fallen short of that glory, why is it surprising this is a problem plaguing women today? When you talk to the women you most admire, you will find that they too at some point struggled with insecurity. The things we fear and doubt may be different. Our insecurity could be in our looks, the way we communicate, our parenting and leadership skills, or social acceptance by peers. The list could go on. I love me, but there are things that I want to change about myself too. My waistline is not where I want it to be, but the whole me is not determined by my waist line. I’m working on it. We are all works in progress. Its apart of life. I might not be confident in my shape, but that does not determine my value as a person and a child of the Most High.
Insecurity has a telltale. Look, when people really struggle with insecurities, it shows. I mentioned earlier we like to have a game face on. People who care about you can see right through it. You become defensive, you can’t handle constructive criticism, and you can become super controlling. Insecure woman can become hyper sensitive to offense. Have you ever met someone that can’t ever take a genuine compliment? Do you foster a victim mindset through complaints and pointing our flaws in others? Do you isolate yourself just because you feel different than those around you? The things we fear and worry about sometimes rear their ugly head in the middle of a season where God is pulling us out of our comfort zone and preparing us for what He really wants us to walk in. When we see it show up in our lives, it doesn’t always look like fear or doubt. When it shows up, we can trust in God to help us change the behavior and our mindset.
Hiding insecurity negates authenticity. When we allow our insecurity to control us, we put up walls. We project what we think others want from us rather than truth in our relationships. We can’t be transparent and that makes it hard for others to trust us. As women who are called to share the gospel. People will not receive what we have to say if they feel like we are fake! Every time I am talking to one of my girlfriends and share an insecurity I might be dealing with, they are encouraged! They have someone to overcome it with as they struggle too! It brings us closer together. There is power in authenticity. We are able to really connect with one another when we are honest about our insecurities.
The real you is always more interesting than the fakes someone else. We are our own worst critics. I am always surprised when someone shares how they see me. The things that I feel make me weird are usually the things that draw others to me. When others find out that I too have the same quirks or insecurities as them, I become more approachable. We used to play this game in kids church called “What’s In My Burrito.” On the outside it looked and smelled like a burrito, but when the contestants actually took a bite, they found out the inside was really nasty. When people find out what we project on the outside is way different than the inside, they don’t want another bite!
Don't doubt God’s design. You are the gift God gave the Kingdom to reach others and build community. Sometimes we beat ourselves up over things that are really just lies from the devil trying to destroy our purpose and our contribution to the community around us. We can’t be great at everything. God is made strong in our weakness. Our friends can be empowered in our weakness. They can be strong for us. We are not meant to be the best at everything! Why else would God have created each and every one of us so incredibly unique? When God created mankind, He knew it was not good for us to be alone. When there are things we are not confident in, it requires us to reach out of our own bubble and connect with someone who is. You are loved by your Heavenly father just the way you are.
I hope these things help you view insecurity in a different light. When you face insecurity, face it with confidence that you are still a powerful woman of God. Use it as a tool to make your faith sharper. Use it as an opportunity to become stronger. Use it as a time to transform who you perceive yourself to be, into what God says you are. Be you. You are the only one that is best at it.
About the author // Brittney is currently loving every moment serving New Life Family Church as the Children's Pastor. You might find her listing to jazz, looking for her keys, or getting her preach on when she can. She is a avid support of local Thai and Mexican restaurants. She loves Jesus like a lot and desires to see the lost and broken experience the deep love of a savior.